The Caveman

The Caveman loves the cold.
The Caveman chases down the mailman.
The Caveman prepares the elevator when he sees me coming up the street.
The Caveman hates showering.
The Caveman hoards old broken things and open jars of peanut butter.
The Caveman has a grey beard.
The Caveman rides his bike into oncoming traffic.
The Caveman eats three cheeseburgers.
The Caveman is always on time for a job he's not even hired to do.
The Caveman is from the Upper Peninsula.
The Caveman signals instead of talks.
The Caveman wore camouflage all winter.
The Caveman tells the best jokes.
The Caveman guards my bike.
The Caveman is in charge.
The Caveman may or may not have carved his name onto the Cherry St. sidewalk.

I call him by his real name, but he would argue that's not his real name at all. He's Degage's very own voluntary handyman, elevator man, garbage man, mail man, security man, door man man. I don't know what we'd do without him.