Beer and Clothing in Las Vegas

Chuck and George sobered up long enough to put on Hawaiian shirts and pack their duffle bags with something useful (which, according to Chuck, means socks and a comb). They're going to Las Vegas.

They made a huge show the entire last week they were here. They ceremoniously gave the rights to their locker (and the rights to paying for it) to lockerless friends. They asked to have a laminated copy of my business card for emergency purposes. They began willing all of their empty bottles and sweaters and half-used deoderants to the noble patrons of our 2nd floor, with all of the dignity and honor of soldiers called to a higher duty. In Las Vegas.

George does it every year--travels far and wide to get people to sign petitions. This year, he invited his favorite comrade in cockeyed crime, Chuck. According to him, Las Vegas ran out of their own homeless dudes to employ. George is actually quite a talented petitioner--when he's sober, he has a nice, polite demeanor, soft voice, good sense of humor and a kind smile. I'd sign his petition. Chuck hasn't strung 4 coherent words together in a week or so. I think he thinks he's going to Las Vegas so that he can sign petitions. But Chuck 'n George have hopelessly fallen into shameless and unconditional bromance, and the honeymoon's in Las Vegas.

Yesterday, they walked out with their bags shouting things like "Goodbye Neverland!" and "Chuck has left the building" (before they left the building). I don't know how they got to the airport, but they called from Las Vegas today:

"We're here! Chucks got beer all over his shirt and he thinks it's so funny. It's sunny here! And we got our first day of work off!"

Alcoholics Don't Litter Half-Full Beers

They all call Sam "Old Man", including me, because he looks like he's about 98. He's really more likely to be in his 60's, but he's an alcoholic, and it ages you faster than having five kids under the age of five.

Despite his kind-old-decrepid-man appearance, Sam goes to jail weekly (his open-mouthed mugshot is usually good cover-fodder for BUSTED!!! magazine.) They get him for trespassing (watch how far you stumble off the sidewalk, and try to steer yourself street-side), for public intoxication, and most recently, for littering.

Sam was sitting by the statue on Division and Fulton, drinking his favorite beer (any beer). He set the can down on the statue to give his forearm muscles a break, and was arrested for littering. This was how the conversation went:

"Sir, you are under an arrest."

"I'm not done with my beer yet!"

"You seemed like you were done when you left your litter on the statue."

"Litter! Hah! Lady, I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholics don't throw away half-full cans of beer."

"Come with me."

"At least let me finish my beer and then arrest me for public intoxication!"

Sam says the police women wanted the rest of the beer, and though I told him I doubted it, I did wonder what exactly it was she wanted.