20 July 2009

Alcoholics Don't Litter Half-Full Beers

They all call Sam "Old Man", including me, because he looks like he's about 98. He's really more likely to be in his 60's, but he's an alcoholic, and it ages you faster than having five kids under the age of five.

Despite his kind-old-decrepid-man appearance, Sam goes to jail weekly (his open-mouthed mugshot is usually good cover-fodder for BUSTED!!! magazine.) They get him for trespassing (watch how far you stumble off the sidewalk, and try to steer yourself street-side), for public intoxication, and most recently, for littering.

Sam was sitting by the statue on Division and Fulton, drinking his favorite beer (any beer). He set the can down on the statue to give his forearm muscles a break, and was arrested for littering. This was how the conversation went:

"Sir, you are under an arrest."

"I'm not done with my beer yet!"

"You seemed like you were done when you left your litter on the statue."

"Litter! Hah! Lady, I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholics don't throw away half-full cans of beer."

"Come with me."

"At least let me finish my beer and then arrest me for public intoxication!"

Sam says the police women wanted the rest of the beer, and though I told him I doubted it, I did wonder what exactly it was she wanted.

No comments:

Post a Comment